Someone to do absolutely nothing with

the greatest luxury

“Someone to sit on the couch with in the dark with only the glow of the tv light. Staring ahead in the quiet comfort, knowing that they are not alone.” - Josie Balka

It’s the greatest luxury, to have a person who it’s easy to do nothing with. Sitting in silence. Daydreaming off together in your own separate minds as you lay wrapped in each other arms. To feel safe enough to escape into your own dreams. Where your body relaxes and mind resets. In a space of stillness.

To have someone to do absolutely nothing with.

Moments that are natural in a way that have always been. Without needing to entertain or explain. No pressure to perform or meet expectations. No need to talk about your day because doing nothing was what you were most looking forward to.

Silence scares some. But silence, says more than any “I love you”s could ever say. An unspoken meaning of deep intimacy. Where thoughts are thought, and feels are felt in a space of acceptance. To be truly authentic in the presence of another.

Knowing you are not alone because you’ll have someone to sit in the darkness with. Someone who when your mind needs to shut off, is there to create space for it.

Creating safety for stillness.

Being in the present together. Observing not describing. Just noticing. Noticing the way their heart beats as they take a deep breath. Or the way their nose crinkles as they have an itch. Feeling the warmth of their touch as your fingers interlock and hands fall gently together. Tracing a map of their jawline with your eyes. Adoring the structure of their quiet face. Sitting doing absolutely nothing together.

The greatest luxury to have someone to do absolutely nothing with.

The intimacy of safety.

A love defined by simplicity.

It’s the greatest luxury to have someone to do absolutely nothing with.

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Numerous times, people come into my office wanting to discuss their relationships. Frustrated around lack of communication. Not feeling understood. Trying to figure out how to set boundaries. Barriers in finding someone that’s genuine, who can meet their needs. Questioning their relationship or questioning their own worth.

Relationships are hard. Not just romantic relationships but all kind of relationships. Friendships. Work relationships. Parent-child. Sibling to sibling. Relationships make up a BIG portion of our human experience.

As therapist, you see it a lot. People becoming frustrated with their interpersonal dynamics. As a human, I can empathize with why these frustrations may be occurring.

One thing I notice most human beings are craving the most from their relationships - is someone to listen, someone to understand, and someone to do absolutely nothing with, where moments become natural that there is no need to fill the quiet stillness because your safe in the presence of each other.

We all want to be heard. Where they listen attentively. Hearing us describe our feelings and the ability to repeat our words back to us. Listening to learn our perspectives, our values, interests, emotions and our needs.

We all want to be understood. Where they empathize with our feelings. Understanding how our past experiences have influenced our values and beliefs. Understanding why particular needs are important to us. Where we can speak authentically and know that it’s safe because they want to know us.

And we all want someone to do absolutely nothing with. Where our walls break down and our nervous system relaxes. Silence feels safe. Quiet moments of stillness where we can trust that we are never alone.

It truly is the greatest luxury - to be listened to, to be understood, and to have someone to do absolutely nothing with.